Want to know how to get along with the love of your son’s life? It’s quite easy actually, just remember the following:
She is NOT his ex-girlfriend who broke his heart and ran off with his best friend.
And she is not as faultless or as unpleasant as his previous girlfriend either. Don’t judge her based on your opinion of any other girlfriend. She is unique and her relationship with your son is too!
She probably really wants to impress you
Whether she’s dead quiet or talking her head off, chances are it is because she is ridiculously nervous and meeting your boyfriend’s mom for the first time comes close to having your two front teeth pulled (at times!) The fact that he wants to introduce her to you says that she is definitely not just a fling, but if you don’t like her she may feel that he won’t like her for much longer either. And as someone who knows I promise you there isn’t a better feeling in the world than your son exclaiming: “Oh my word, my Mom absolutely ADORES you!”
It’s not a competition and she is not fighting you for his attention.
Quite the opposite. Chances are she is much younger (hopefully!) and prettier than you are, so you are her last worry. You can relax, she is probably more concerned with the girls at uni checking your son out than you spending time with him on a Saturday morning when she’s catching up on some beauty sleep anyways.
She wants to be your friend
Even if it’s just to be able to text you about birthday and Christmas gifts for the person you both adore, it really helps to get along with each other. And that gives her the freedom to ask you what she should wear to a family wedding that she is attending with your son. Make it easy on her and be her friend first!
It can be wonderful to have her on your side!
Remember, there are most certainly things your son tells his girlfriend that he doesn’t tell you, but you still worry about it a great deal. She knows exactly what’s going on in his life and if he is going through a tough time and she is not completely sure what to do in the situation, she might just turn to you for help and in the process, you can help your son. But she needs to be comfortable with you for her to connect with you about your son!
Words have great power.
No, I’m not Robin Banks, but I can assure you that even if it may not look like it, she listens closely to every word you say and the way you say it. If you mention that you don’t eat chocolates, but you love bath salts, you will receive the most amazing bath salts for your birthday. If you compliment her on how beautiful she looks in a dress, chances are she’ll wear dresses more even if she is a jeans and t-shirts kind of girl. Chances are also that she is taking everything you say about her very personally, so be very careful of how you communicate with her. Be sensitive! Your words can have such a powerful impact on her, and if they are positive, you will give her confidence, and what is more beautiful than a confident woman next to your son?!
Do not baby your son.
If you are busy cooking and cleaning and helping him the whole time, especially if he didn’t ask you to, he gets used to the fact that he is the be all and end all of humankind. She cannot possibly be expected to do the same for him – she is after all, NOT his mother. So, hold your son accountable and let him pack his own lunch at least!
She is acutely aware of the fact that there are things that only a mother knows about her son.
There are times when she is just not sure how to help your son or when he needs advice that only his mother can give. She knows the boundaries much better than you think and she is also completely mindful of the fact that you do a much better job at mothering him than she does. Believe me, there are other things she is MUCH better at.
She really only wants the very best for him, just like you.
Hopefully your son is not dating a moron (if he is, a lot of this advice will not be applicable) so his girlfriend is fully aware of the fact that when your son is happy chances are that she will be happy too. She is also holding thumbs for that difficult exam. She is also worried when he is sick. She also understands that he needs time with the boys. She is not an evil alien trying to destroy your son’s life. Promise.
You are much more alike than you might think.
You were her once. You were also nervous about acceptance and possible rejection. Remember how you felt the first time you met your husband’s mom? If you don’t, try to, it will give you a lot more compassion for the poor girl. And even if that is the only thing you share, it means that you do have common ground and you can work from there.
Jealousy will get you absolutely nowhere, and it really does make you nasty!
It is one of the most futile emotions to be jealous. It makes you sick, instead of the person you are jealous of. And if you think rationally about it, it makes absolutely no sense at all to be jealous of a person that has the ability to make your son happy!
Give it a go, be nice to her – the result may surprise you both!
PS: What I love most about Georgia is that even if (God forbid!) she breaks up with my beloved son tomorrow, she will always have a very special place in my heart because of the person SHE is, and not because she is/was Kevin’s girlfriend. I love you G!