We have an old wooden shack in the corner of our yard that someone used to stay in a long time ago, but that we now use to store all our stuff that’s actually supposed to be disposed of, but that my husband (and myself to a lesser degree) just cannot seem to let go of. I also store a lot of things for my doula work in there, e.g. baby product samples, pamphlets, beanies, etc. Which means that I have to visit ‘the shack’ at least once every week – sometimes more. For some reason that I could never really figure out, I absolutely LOATHED going to that shack. And today I sat myself down and asked the question: “Nicci, WHY are you instantly moody and despondent when you know you have to fetch something from that place?” And then I answered myself: “Well Nicci, a) because it’s quite walk (which is a bit of an exaggeration) b) it’s musty and dusty in there (another total exaggeration) and c) there is that bloody lock that is basically impossible to unlock and lock again…..” Hmmm… The lock that is basically impossible to unlock and lock again. The lock that is basically IMPOSSIBLE to unlock and lock again!!!! The lock. It’s the LOCK!!!
I have identified the problem! I almost get a physical reaction of revolt when I think about going to that shack, and the fact of the matter is that it is simply because I battle with the lock and key. It’s the sole reason I dread going there! It takes me ages to find the right key on my husband’s bunch of keys – which really is a BUNCH of keys – as I don’t have my own. Then when I do find the right key, I can never seem to open the damn lock! Sometimes I give up and just walk away before I start swearing. (I’m REALLY trying not to swear. New Year’s resolutions are a bugger sometimes.) I thought hard about a solution as I had to make peace with the fact that I am going to have to visit that shack. Often. So first, I marked the specific key so that next time I could identify it quickly. Then I Googled the lock and exactly how to open and close it, and I felt like such an idiot because I only did one simple thing wrong, which I fixed after watching the video. And guess what? Problem solved! I don’t need to dread going to the shack anymore! Simply because I sat down and decided to dig deeper and actually get a solution to this problem. Yay me.
What is your shack? You know, the one you that you almost have no choice to visit, but you dread it nonetheless? What questions do you need to ask yourself in order for you to find solutions as to your aversion of that specific shack? What keys do you have to mark? Do you have to ask yourself why you are instantly agitated when you hear your mother/mother-in-law’s voice? (see what I did there 😀 ) Or maybe you have to ask yourself why you want to burst into tears when you have to do the dishes. Or why you get angry the second your husband dares to ask something about your parents, without even really listening to the question. Perhaps you have to ask yourself why you keep on saying no to that one friend who wants to come visit or why you keep making excuses for not going out with another? Why are you so irritated with your child when they don’t immediately do what you tell them to? Why do you want to scream when a car guard smiles and greets you when you get out of your car? Why do you just absolutely abhor doing certain things (or interacting with certain people!) without having a valid reason?
I want to encourage you to go to your ‘why’. And after you have identified your ‘why’, don’t just leave it there. Think of things that you can actively do to change that perceived negative situation into a positive, or at least a neutral (or bearable!) one. Mark that key. Figure that lock out. Make a plan to do things differently. Decide to act exactly the opposite of how you normally would. DECIDE. It is a choice to change your thoughts. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING starts with a thought first. So make your first thoughts this: “Things WILL change for the better when I make small adjustments in my life. I WILL exude more positive vibes when I change my thoughts to positive ones, and that will most definitely make a huge difference in my life. I will choose not to ‘default’ to negativity!” Let me be honest, it is not something that will happen without any effort, simply because you have made the decision not to have a negative reaction to something. Sometimes I fail miserably. Because it’s HARD work to change your thoughts! For some reason it is just so much easier to go to the dark side. Don’t do it. Never mind what Nike says, just do NOT do it!
Lastly, the most important of all: After making all these good decisions, choosing to be positive, say positive things and live a powerful life, I also want to urge you to be good to yourself. You know those warm hugs you love to give? Give one to yourself if you can’t or won’t take one from your partner, child or someone else. Those flowers or little gifts that you so freely give to friends and family? Buy a beautiful bunch for yourself. Take a long bath. Eat a delicious chocolate or drink a glass of wine or a cup of really good coffee. But nurture yourself. Often. Because we most certainly cannot pour from an empty cup. And when your cup overflows, your kindness and presence can overflow in other peoples’ lives. Face your shack. It’s worth it. Promise.